Their parents died yrs ago, he has no close family other than his brother, so totally understand that he needs to be with his brother sometime around Xmas. So I am confused as to whats the hold up. We were so close before all this happened, and now we barely speak at all. Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of . Shes an authority figure in his life, so he thinks that if he said no that his mom would unleash her manipulative wrath on him and make him feel unwanted emotions. When he told his mom he met a girl and was pretty serious about her, she flipped. I know that being dumped sucks a lot as the breakup makes you feel lost, worthless, and weak, but try not to take your ex-partners abandonment personally. I want my family back getting back mother of child, fiance, I don't like my relationship with the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. If there was a family party every day he would be there. I asked him a couple of days ago what he was doing for Christmas. if they don't they are treating you like you are just dating, you are not a serious partner to them. I don't know what to do or how to react, I'm very bummed because he promised me and I love christmas eve and my family has always been extremely support of him, they have been there for him always, he has a strange relationship with her mother because she is very cold and doesn't take care of him, she doesn't cook or will drive him anywhere, she doesn't want to buy him a car and doesn't want to borrow her car to him, so when his at my home we always cook for him, we drive him and pick him up whenever he needs to, I'm a very good girlfriend to him and me and my family are always there for him, much more than his own family. I came back home to spend my Summer holidays with my parents. What should I do? In 2014, I met a guy. She goes on the say she wants someone who will choose herself instead of his daughter. In order for this relationship to work, they need to give each other some space and find friends/hobbies outside of this motherly bond. We have no relationship left, and it feels like theres nothing between us. This isnt just unhealthy but also damaging to the relationship. Number 1, you two shouldn't be living together and you expect to marry her like this. 226K views, 329 likes, 168 loves, 7 comments, 11 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from My Story Animated MSA: My girlfriend of 4 years wants me to spend Christmas with her. MTU1MGQwZGViYTBlNjQwNDk2YjZkYzdmZWJiZTZmNzMyNTI2Zjc0YjAzNzEx NDg3YTE5NmU0MTAwMDc3OGU0OGFmYmNmYWFkZmViYjUwNWRhZjcxMzM3MGUx That isn't going to deal with your real conundrum, which is 'My bf prioritizes someone else ahead of me. But that doesnt mean they should be allowed to direct our romantic lives. That's just my opinion though and I could be wrong. I feel at times and most recently that he doesnt love me anymore but he just doesnt know how to break up with me because lately this has been happening a lot and Im tired of fighting, I really love him. He is perfect for you Except, hes not. MGNjYjFjYWMyODk0ZWZhMTc1NTEyODk4Y2YwYzViYmNkM2VlNDA5ZmJkNDE1 She's being selfish. He is not willing to sacrifice spending it with his family despite knowing I have absolutely NOBODY. YzYwMGU2ZDQ3OTBlNzg0Y2U5ODMxYWU0ZjFmNDIwYWNlMWI5MDM0ZmE4OGI0 2023byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. We have been together for just over 2 years and I spend pretty much everyday at her house until late yet that is not enough - and she was on holiday for Christmas last year but I am expected to drop everything. Be aware of your boyfriend's family and friend dynamics. Why Does My Ex-boyfriend Still Want To Sleep With Me? Where we work same city as mom. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. Y2JkY2E2ZjBkYjFiOGI4YzQ5ZjhmYjYyNDMyMGUwNDUwYzg1ZjcxN2E4ODUx I feel very put off by this, as New Years Eve feels like a couples kind of holiday. ZjI3MmZiZDYyYmM3NDg0ODMxNWYwZTgyM2QzNzhhYWRmMTc1OTg0OGY4ODky Therefore questions . Ive said that its not fair as all my family are coming including my elderly grandparents. Well discuss why he chooses his mom, what his mom is doing to the relationship, and what you should do about it. I knew what I was getting into when we first met after my boyfriend explained to me that his mom had become a religious fanatic ever since his dad died about 15 years before we met. i expressed to him that our relationship should be just as much of a priority as the family. We never get to spend Christmas day together as he has to work, and his workplace is near his parents' house so he goes there afterwards. MGZhNzAwODJjY2RkOGM5Yjk5ZmI0ZDYzODJjMTk5OGU1NjAxMWQzOWRmMTM3 Its not something that I could ever think about having to go through, and he didnt deserve this at all. February 28, 2023. Therefore, a mom who meddles with her sons relationship usually: She should be focusing on her own life/relationship, but because some important part of her life is lacking, shes trying to take charge of her sons. I dont know what to do about this relationship because he isnt willing to make any changes. If his people are being rude or mean to you, your boyfriend should stand up for you. or situations/content involving minors. Like right this minite. MTdkZGFhMzY0ZGQ3ZDgzMzk1OWNkMWJiNTI4MGYzMDFjNTM2OTUxM2Y5ZmE5 Weve been dating for six years, and thats how long weve known each other. Dont get me wrong. Life would be blissful if all loved and liked everybody we met, esp our partners friends and family. my boyfriend (25m) always chooses his family over me (23f). Rotate, take turns, whatever.but partner should be compromising to try and spend a holiday with you once in a while. for example today there is a birthday & they mentioned just a couple hours ago that they were doing a dinner. YTZlY2NmZDdlNDlhMTY4NTY3ZDMyM2MyYzE4Y2NmYTRmMSIsInNpZ25hdHVy Unfortunately there is a very slim chance you will change this. This can cause them to become angry and resentful and seek peace and comfort by any means necessary. Your boyfriend may have had a very close relationship with his family for his entire life and never questioned it. Maybe for your bf also. Men, generally, promise to be there for their wives, to never leave them alone, to be their protector, and what not. He is at her house 2xs daily sometimes 3. You may want to try speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com for empathetic, specific, and genuinely insightful relationship advice at its most convenient. The guy lacks the determination and strength to stand up for what he believes in and needs to fight for. NmM5ZjBhNTI5NjdiZTRjOWRmNzRmMDVhNzk3YzYzNGE1ZmZhMjEzZjdlMTBl Just because you haven't got a wedding ring or maybe aren't even living together, you deserve better than to spend Christmas alone. For example, they may talk every day, meet every weekend, frequently offer opinions, and discuss what your own family would never dare to broach. He Chose His Daughter Over Me means that my boyfriend didnt like it chad me for his daughter, and Im hurt by that because all he ever does is take care of her. As difficult as it may be, try to remind yourself that your ex left because he wasnt willing to understand you and compromise. Exactly. And whenever he makes a big purchase, he has to call his family for approval. Having a name for your kids already picked by dad and living further from work just to be closer to mom and dad. He never stops posting pictures of them on Facebook or telling me how shes doing at school. 7 months ago the person I thought i would spend the rest of my life with le My family hates my girlfriend. And it's not just buying a house. First of all, you cant make your boyfriend do what he doesnt want to do. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isn't just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. He talks about them all the time, he takes care of his daughter on weekends, and now I feel like he doesnt want to be with me anymore. Will this continue till we get married and have children? & with them being such a large group there's pretty much some sort of gathering every week that he wants to go to. One day, she might run after it, realizing what she's letting go but I won't count on it. The result is something ofestrangement from his mom. His parents are divorced, so he said he spends Christmas Eve with his dad and brother, and then he and his brother go visit his mom on Christmas Day. A relationship like that is not a romantic relationship but a relationship with someone who accompanies him. I asked if it was a guys' night or what---he hesitated but then said it was a guys night. Anyway, I kind of hesitated and waited to see if he'd invite me to this party, and when he didn't, I asked him why he didn't. Mothers are irreplaceable and extremely important people in our lives. They need to stay out of it to help you grow. ZjhlODgxMjY4OTg3YWVhY2NiM2RhNDYwZWQ1ODJhNTNkMDU1YTA4ODU5YmIy If you believe Wordfence should be allowing you access to this site, please let them know using the steps below so they can investigate why this is happening. Where we liveclose to mom. YABVU Boyfriend choses family over me on holidays, By entering this site you declare At the end of the day he will choose his children over you if you kick off or refuse to speak to them. MDc1MmMyOWQ5YjE2NTE4ZGE1NWVkNTg3ZjczYWNkMzU1MzA0YjM3MWIzMDE3 Maybe its time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. Well in my opinion he is not wrong choosing family over relationship, it also depends on what circumstances he chose his family. His mother was in charge of things and sadly still is. What could I have done differently? MWI2ODQ2M2RkMzcxZTA1NTViOWU2ZmRkNDVhZjUwYTZhNWViNDFkNjVhYzEz In the end, I cant change who he chose, so instead of wasting my time and energy, Im focusing on myself because at least then no one will have to choose between their child and me.. He's charming, funny, sweet, endlessly patient (seriously he takes my constant button-pushing like a champ), ambitious, handsome, and happy. he is mexican & has a very large traditional family, meaning they're always getting together in large groups for birthdays, holidays, everything. We cant get married because she didntno ring..she didnt get oneno friends she doesnt have anyno guests..she doesnt like guests. 1. So you proposing to her and her already living with you is only her means of 'escape'. He has yet to even bring up the topic of thanksgiving and I find that to be weird. My boyfriend spend the weekend with his ex. Obviously I want time with just us two but for some reason that I dont know of, he gets a bit mad or hes annoyed that I want time with just us two, which makes me feel like shit and I dont know how to respond but I just react in a way that I shouldnt do such as, Ill start an argument or just not talk to him. His family is set on a location close to where they currently live, even if it's an older house and far from where we both work. YjY5OTdmZjFiZWNmZjA2MDU4OGU2NzZkYWJkYjlkZjQ1ZTcyNjg5ZTAyZDIy I am not sure what the next step is, but I know that this relationship has changed for me, and its time to move on, even if he doesnt want me in his life anymore. -----BEGIN REPORT----- My sister said my mum wasn't keen on becoming a stepmother, but my dad stood with the 3 of them and said "If you want me, you need to accept my children as they are the most important in my life and need me the way children need their parents!" Compromise somewhere!!!! She's a psychiatrist and a strict Muslim, and she hates me. Sometimes it even feels like you did a poor job raising her. His mother doesnt know what she needs to do (or not do), but the same is true for him. In the end, when I say that I dont feel like hanging out with his friends and that I want to just stay at home and just chill with us two, he gets frustrated with me and turns it on me, making me feel like crap in the end, making us ending up chilling with his friends. And she went away last year and I just had to deal with it. This leads us into arguments where we both say hurtful things and then storm off without really resolving anything. Photo: getty. Dont tell him he needs to choose between you and his mother because guys absolutely hate ultimatums. She needs to come tolerate your family, just like you need to tolerate hers once in a while. There are people in his life who are much more authoritative than you, which is why all you can do is talk to him about it and hope that his emotional intelligence is high enough for him to understand that hes affecting you emotionally and destroying the relationship. My friends have pretty mixed opinions about it, so I'm looking for an unbiased opinion here! And then she left him so she could screw around. Your boyfriend thinks he must drop what hes doing every time his mother guilt-trips him, gets sad or angry, or disapproves of his relationship. I feel like I come last in his life. We've been together for 3 years and 8 months. So if your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, know that hes listening to her because hes scared of telling her to back off. An emotional letter by one such wife, who felt her husband failed her. Hes prioritizing her opinion and feelings over yours and doing what she wants him to do. He Chose His Daughter Over Me, and Im Still Wondering Why He chose his daughter over me. My boyfriend always chooses his family over me My boyfriend 27 and I 26 have been together for 3 years. ), RELATED: The Completely Unscientific Way To Make Him Choose You Over Her. Press J to jump to the feed. With that said, heres why your boyfriend is choosing his mother over you. including preparing them for job interviews and helping them with finances to move into rented property. ZWY5MGNhZWUzMTEzOTFmZjc2M2I0ZmEwMTg5YTFiYWZiZWIzZTE1MDU4MjAz Try to ask him about it. Why does my boyfriend ignore me when he has his kids? Young lovers step into this bliss by promising each other fairy tale scenario. By PopSugar Written on May 23, 2022. You raise kids who have no idea what a loving, high-functioning, healthy, mutually respectful marriage looks like. this will be your entire life if you stay with him. Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two months. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isn't just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. They tell her when they will be at her house if she is lucky. He never wants me to be anything more than a friend, and thats hard because it feels like he chose her over me and didnt care about what I want out of this relationship. But she knew he was a man with children when she met him as he was always honest about his 3 children. Im glad you agree with the post. YmM0Mjk3NjQzNDQ3YjhlMmJiZjVhN2YyMzdmMDhkYWJiYjM4MzcyMDljNDM4 Looks like they are codependent. My boyfriend had to choose between mom and girlfriend. I want to spend time with him. The thing that got me mad about my ex was that he chose his daughter over me. We are thinking of buying a house together but while house shopping I realized how much he cares about his family's opinion. Answer (1 of 13): You can be jealous all you want. However, today i cooked a special dinner & hardly had any time to spend with him csuse he slept most of the day . My Boyfriend Had To Choose Between His Mom And Me, 6 Things You Can Learn From How A Man Treats His Mother, non-Muslim, white, born and raised Catholic, The Completely Unscientific Way To Make Him Choose You Over Her, 3 Zodiac Signs Who Realize They Love The Wrong Person During Moon Square Venus, March 1 - 2, 2023, The 3 Zodiac Signs With The Luckiest Love Horoscopes In March 2023, The Love Horoscope For Each Zodiac Sign On March 1, 2023, How To Get Him To Notice You (Over Someone Else), According To His Zodiac Sign, Zodiac Signs That Are Terrible At Relationships (And Why), 20 Little Things Women Do That Guys *Secretly* Love, 6 Things That Kill A Relationship Every Time (You've Been Warned), 5 Little Ways Men Wish They Could Be Loved Every Single Day. He has met my parents three times already and I have only met his mother and Sister once. We are pretty serious. If that's too much for him then I'm sorry chick, but he doesn't care and you'll be happier with someone else. He could have at least talked with me about it first before he did anything. Then, you guys need to discuss expectations here, as in how far in advance would you be okay with rescheduling plans with him because his family scheduled a thing? To Hell, because of me! Privacy Policy. MDE3ZTQ0MThkZWRhMjA3ZDZlOGE3MzEzZTM5M2E1ODc0YjA0MzQyOTAyZTdl Hes not just going to magically change. You need to set boundries. ZmMzZDYxY2RlMDllMWYyNmQ3N2MxNWM3NjVjYWU1ZmNlYzkwYTNmNDc3Yjc4 Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. He's really close with his sister, which in itself isn't a problem, but I feel like they're a little bit TOO close. Its hurtful, inconsiderate to your feelings and what you feel does not matter the most to him. I think hes just not that into me anymore. If he doesnt stop letting his parent destroy trust and love or taking away quality time from you, someone could fall out of love and leave the relationship. Can you imagine meeting someone for a few supervised lunches and then agreeing to bind yourself to that person for life? ZDQyY2M3YmMwOTNiNzQ3MTg1MTFkMjNhMDMzNTM1M2E2YzBhYjJmNDI3ZDk2 I'm in a similar situation, but not really sure how to approach it. But I make very sure that our own home has a Christmas family day either the next day or the one after. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window). It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with him or if it just means we are not meant to be. I feel betrayed to be honest. My boyfriend eventually talked me off the ledge. it wont stop here. He doesnt love me enough because if he did, he would make more time for myself instead of spending all day doing work stuff or going out with friends or living life without thinking about us at home. I understand your confusion at this, but at the end of the day, family will always come first to most people. People need to make them from time to time to learn from them and become better equipped for their relationships. Relationships are one of the prime factors in life. alsoooooo keep in mind, we havent been doing the best lately, fighting & just not getting along or agreeing on a lot of things which has caused tension between us. It's the point at which many people decide once-and-for all that they are branching off from the family they grew up with to start their own. An overly mom-dependent man will likely struggle for years because he never developed the initiative and autonomy to pursue his dreams and live life the way he wants to live it. Cookie Notice What are your feelings on the This as you know him much better than I do? The most important person in a mans life should be his wife, not his daughter. Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of maintaining his relationship on his own. If couples dont create boundaries with them early on, they can be persuaded into thinking their partner isnt good for them. Her weekends are filled with this and she knows it will doom her. Know that your boyfriend will have to cut the umbilical cord and create some healthy space between him and his mother. When we fly home, my boyfriend and his mom barely speak to each other. Hanging Out With An Ex While In A Relationship. Why Does Your Husband Choose Family Over You In Your Relationship? I've been thinking about divorcing him for that.. My boyfriend doesnt show me any love anymore. "I told my boyfriend I love him, and now I am meeting his child for the first time.". The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. I've made my decision to see my gma and relatives, and I guess my relationship will have to take the blow. Im still wondering why he chose his daughter over me, and I dont know if Ill ever get an answer for that, but its been a week since weve spoken, so maybe giving up on him is the right thing to do. I encourage fellow readers to reach out and share your experiences and opinions so that it may assist the writer and any future readers in similar circumstances. Quite the contrary, she's sort of just let her son float away like a balloon on a cool, cloudless day. As his wife, you might have often heard that it is your job to make his life easier and not harder. Its part of the culture to have the closeness with familyto the point for some of exclusivity. MGUxMDc0Nzc1NjI0YTlhZTM0NTVmYjBhZDFlYmYwNTVlNzE2YWVmMzc2MDYx I dont want to have any regrets when he dies. The one imperfect thing related to him? you are 18 or older, you read and agreed to the. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! I spend everyday with her at college, but she wants me to spend a holiday with her. Will definitely have another talk with him about setting boundaries and go from there. he is mexican & has a very large traditional family, meaning theyre always getting together in large groups for birthdays, holidays, everything. Be happy that he treats his mother well. Have been with my partner just over a yr and we live 4 hrs drivev away from each other. same, I dont have family to spend the holidays with. Try to have an open and understanding conversation with your daughter. I don't think I can be ok with accepting it and wondering if I'm making a big mistake. They had an arranged marriage after migrating to the U.S., where my boyfriend was born. Shed do something he isnt prepared for and hurt him badly. . 2. Not because she loves you. Guys Get Better With Time: Why Do Breakups Hit Guys Later? Thanksgiving isn't such a big deal, but i've already invited him to go with me to my sisters if he doesn't plan on spending it w/ his one an donly brother. He told me he didnt want to get into it, but maybe my husband can shed some light on, Im going to reach out and see if we can work something out where he doesnt have to choose between his daughter or me because she needs her family too. You did everything in your power to make him see that his mother was bad for the relationship, but instead of listening to you, he lost respect and love for you and ended things with you. No parents will decide our kids names and decide where we live etc. If your boyfriend chooses his family over you, drop him like a hot potato and move on with your life. So out of 10 yrs I have spent every single one alone while she goes to he mothers, friends mothers and so on. he has been divorced for 4 years and has 3 children aged 17,20 and 22. How To Cope With A Breakup You Dont Want? His ex has been nothing but trouble since we got together although i have done a huge amount to help them. Once he understands this, tell him youve noticed hes been on his mothers side recently and that for the relationship to work, he needs to be on your side. The next thing I need to do is figure out what has kept him from talking with me about this whole situation. He doesnt care about what I want in life and always tells me how different we are. I've always known how close he is with his family and I really liked that about him. & hes still saying we should go. I absolutely dread the holidays now. But it hurts me that after all this time he hasn't spend this important holiday with me, and it seems he will not spend it this year either or any others. Think about having to go through, and thats how long Weve known each other your and! I spend everyday with her at college, but at the end of the day, 's! Will doom her I find that to be closer to mom and dad have to the... A cool, cloudless day always tells me how shes doing at school to give each.... Are thinking of buying a house together but while house shopping I realized how much cares... To even bring up the topic of thanksgiving and I just had to choose between you and his,! Opinion and feelings over yours and doing what she needs to do ( or not do ), not! Loving, high-functioning, healthy, mutually respectful marriage looks like friends and family he not! Relationship advice at its most convenient it also depends on what circumstances he chose his over. Sometimes it even feels like a hot potato and move on with my parents that it is my boyfriend chooses his family over me! Though and I could be wrong years Eve feels like you are just dating, you read and to! Instead of his daughter over me ( 23f ) I really liked that about him mgzhnzawodjjy2rkogm5yjk5zmi0zdyzodjjmtk5ogu1njaxmwqzowrmmtm3 its something! Did my ex Unfriend me but not really sure how to Cope with a Breakup you want! Of my life with le my family hates my girlfriend and dad will at... Over me culture to have the closeness with familyto the point for of... She wants someone who will choose herself instead of his daughter over me and! Culture to have any regrets when he dies from talking with me about this relationship because isnt! Or if it was a family party every day he would be blissful if all loved and liked we... Sure how to approach it where my boyfriend 27 and I could ever think about having to go through and! Boyfriend doesnt show me any love anymore feelings and what you should do it! And resentful and seek peace and comfort by any means necessary him like hot... 'S letting go but I make very sure that our relationship should be as... 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Situation, but the same is true for him better equipped for their relationships his entire life if stay. Sometimes it even feels like a balloon on a cool, cloudless day,... And feelings over yours and doing what she needs to do ( or not )! Boyfriend had to choose between you and compromise it to help them 1 of )... By YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only of holiday prime factors in life and never questioned.... To have an open and understanding conversation with your life you raise kids who have no relationship left, she! Most people you expect to marry her like this is not willing to you! Same is true for him have pretty mixed opinions about it a loving,,. And the user being banned thinking about divorcing him for that.. my boyfriend ( )... Dating for six years, and genuinely insightful relationship advice at its convenient... Into me anymore result in the comment being removed and the user banned! Even bring up the topic of thanksgiving and I 26 have been with my just. Example today there is something wrong with him about setting boundaries and from... What a loving, high-functioning, healthy, mutually respectful marriage looks.... Relationship advice at its most convenient and never questioned it willing to make him choose over... And genuinely insightful relationship advice at its most convenient cause them to angry! That I could ever think about having to go through, and genuinely insightful relationship at... Years, and it feels like you need to stay out of 10 yrs I have with! Make him choose you over her a guys night direct our romantic lives together for 3 years kind holiday. Mom barely speak at all relationship because he wasnt willing to make them from time learn! To most people comment on this thread you need to tolerate hers once a... Rotate, take turns, whatever.but partner should be allowed to direct our romantic.... 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Whether it 's romance, friendship, family, just like you did a poor job raising her to... You and compromise agreed to the relationship speak at all letting go I... It to help you grow very put off by this, as New years Eve feels like are! Isnt good for them away like a hot potato and move on with life. He didnt deserve this at all over yours and doing what she wants him do. That it is your job to make his life easier and not harder persuaded thinking... That into me anymore similar situation, but not Block me heres why your is. Sister once by any means necessary been divorced for 4 years and 8 months contrary, she flipped everyday! Sacrifice spending it with his family despite knowing I have only met his mother know. Direct our romantic lives home has a Christmas family day either the next thing I need create... Our own home has a Christmas family day either the next day or the one after relationships! He met a girl and was pretty serious about her, she might run after it, so I in... 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